December, 2006

15th. Issue.
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This website was lovingly crafted by Gard-Henning Madsen
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Once again Christmas is upon us. Deck the halls with bows of jolly/holly whatever...

Yet again the household budget is put under severe tension in the everlasting hunt for that most clever of Christmas presents. This year a new standard has been set! Not only are people all over the western world setting a new spending record, but Mr. Madsen has purchased presents of such brilliance and innovation that the world will be dumbstruck until Easter! Watch this space to find out what it is...


The Madness offer its faithful readers a most humble apology for the absence of new material since June. Sorry!

You see, it all began in May, when Mr. Madsen + 1 decided to move. The move went ahead almost according to plan, but the new pad was entirely offline upon arrival. Norway not being the most efficient country in the world, it took some time to get an acceptable internet connection. Once achieved, Mr Madsen, chief editor and


head-poncho of The Madness set out to create a new site unlike anything ever seen before! Needless to say, this was no easy task! Time passed and no genius was found. In an uproar at the state of his mind, Mr. Madsen set out to work even harder with his prime occupation - Studying!

Only kidding. I couldn't be bothered! But no, you had to pester me about it didn't you?? Well, here! Happy???

Yes. All the rumours are true. The new headquarters are fabulous! A vast space, mostly cluttered up already, met Mr Madsen + 1 this summer, when their address changed from small to big! There is even room for a second TV , someone exclaimed as they entered their new surroundings. A game room was quickly established and a no work zone was implemented.

Maybe some day soon, we'll get around to chucking out those empty boxes....

Guestrooms a-plenty means there is room for you! Either in a bed-ish type room, a gas-chamber-ish type room or an outside-ish type sleeping arrangement. The new casa has it all! Even an outdoor swimming pool! or is that a flood in the streets? I forget....
The Domicile
The ladyboys trip to Norway!
The Madness had hoped to bring you exciting tales from the great adventure two ladyboys from Britain found themselves having during their trip to Norway. Unfortunately, being a ladyboy, the ladyboy in charge of the pictures failed miserably in his/her efforts to send them in manner which was not destructive. The Madness promise to make fun of said ladyboy in every forthcoming issue until the pictures are in place. While we wait here is a picture of a cow on the moon.
Give me the pictures ladyboy! or I will publish some rather embarrassing pictures of you sleeping!! You know the ones I mean!

Merry Christmas Baby!

Again, the time is here! Presents and all, never fear, Santa Claus is near!

My poor baby cries! All she gets is advice! Don't use that much spice, it won't be very nice!

A present she'll get! You mustn't fret! It'll be a kiss again, I bet! I hope she won't be too upset!

Look out! cried Derek. You're heading towards the abyss! John didn't even flinch as the vehicle carrying Derek, Nigel, Katie and himself went over the edge and plummeted into the unknown. There was nothing in front of them but a black emptiness. Impossible to tell how fast or how far they went, Derek and Katie huddled together in the back. John and Nigel pressed on with a strange calmness across their face as if they already knew what was going to happen.

Katie, a beautiful twenty-nine year old biologist, sat in her red and black overall with an expression on her face that made her look thirty years older. She was petrified and found little comfort in Derek sitting next to her. Derek was far too busy panicking! As their vehicle went over Derek was convinced he had seen death standing on the ledge laughing at them. The time spent below and the depth they were at was beginning to take its toil on this normally calm scholar. Derek would normally spend a Thursday at the local drama- society’s poetry evenings at The Five n Dime around the corner from where he rented a loft-space. Although a keen writer himself, he had never been able to summon the strength to read something of his own. He had always considered the risk to great.

Considering where he was at the moment, he realised what danger really was.

Nigel was no stranger to danger. In fact "No Stranger to Danger" had become his motto after having looked death in the eye on several occasions. Nigel was an adventurer and had travelled the world in search of hot-spots and natural disasters for over twenty-five years. Nearing the big five-o, he had been near killed so many times he had stopped counting. Scars and metal operated into his body bore witness to his dramatic life.

Two years ago, Nigel had been holding a lecture on life forms living at extreme conditions - a topic Nigel was particularly fond of - when John had approached him for the first time. John was somewhat of an adventurer himself, but at only half Nigel’s age he had not yet been out on a real-life expedition and his adventures had mostly been rummaging through books and antiques. He had travelled a great deal and spoken to a great many people, but unlike Nigel, he led a safe life.

John and Nigel had spoken for hours that day. Despite their backgrounds they discovered that they had a great many things in common.

At first, the experienced Nigel was apprehensive about the young man, but when John produced drawings he had discovered of creatures unlike anything Nigel had ever seen, his professional curiosity got the best of him.

John had on that first meeting described to Nigel how he had come across these drawings and from whom he had gotten the information. From that day on, John and Nigel had been working together to gather more information about the creatures from the drawings. After almost two years of work, John and Nigel found themselves convinced that the drawings were based on actual observations and decided to launch an expedition.

John was calmly at the controls of the vehicle pushing buttons and pulling levers. Derek was not impressed. After nearly ten minutes plummeting into the emptiness, Nigel had still not said a word or even looked up from the book in his lap. He seemed to be as much at ease with the situation as he was engulfed in the text. Not even Derek’s whimpering had caused his gaze to move from the book, but when Katie screamed as a flickering light appeared in front of them, Nigel lay the book down and said casually: Good. We're here.

To be continued